


Hope Becomes a Loss

by triles



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, There is NO FLUFF HERE, inspired by a song, inspired by soap by melanie martinez
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:50:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triles/pseuds/triles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But then again, it was his own fault, he thought bitterly,<br/>he should have never said that word, love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope Becomes a Loss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [havishxm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/havishxm/gifts).



“I love you.”  
He hadn’t meant to say them, and before he’d even had time to think about it, the words had slipped out of his mouth.  
He’d been so careful, tiptoeing around those eight letters - he knew Peter wouldn’t take them well, he fucking knew it from the beginning.  
The second the words escaped his mouth, he’d looked away, he couldn’t bear to see the look on Peter’s face.  
Caspian wasn’t sure if he wanted Peter to speak and break the silence, or if he wanted the other boy to carry on as though he’d never heard it, but he knew that either way, he’d done the one thing that would ruin their relationship, if it could even be called that.

 

“You - you what?”  
He couldn’t tell if Peter was angry, but he continued to look at the ground, refusing to meet his eyes.  
He wanted to run, he wanted to turn around and walk away and see if they could pretend that this had never happened, but he was locked in place. He couldn’t trust himself to move, couldn’t be completely certain that his legs wouldn’t collapse beneath him if he tried.  
He loved Peter, he knew that. Peter loved him, he knew that too.  
But the older boy was far too guarded, had built up far too many walls to ever admit it, to ever allow himself to become completely vulnerable. Whether it was that he feared getting his heart broken when he returned to England, or he was too afraid to open himself up to somebody completely because he just didn’t want to give somebody the power to hurt him, Caspian wasn’t sure. Whichever it was, (or perhaps it was both) Caspian was certain that he would never get from Peter what he wanted.

 

He had known from the moment he and Peter had first begun whatever this was that he would have to let him set the pace, that he would have to hide their relationship and be content to stick with stolen kisses before battles and the constant reminders that this isn’t love.  
Even though he knew it was. 

 

He felt soft fingers on his chin, pushing his face slightly upwards so that he was forced to look Peter in the eyes. He had been prepared to face anger, disappointment even, but the pity was worse, it was so much worse. Peter sighed softly, and Caspian had to blink to stop the tears threatening to fall from streaming down his face.  
“Cas… I just, I don’t…”  
Caspian was almost certain that his heart stopped, he knew what Peter was trying to say.  
I don’t love you  
His stomach was turning and he felt as though he was going to be sick, his breath caught in his throat. He braced himself for the words, even though he knew them not be true, Peter had to love him, he had to.  
“I don’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.”  
He didn’t know what happened after that, wasn’t sure if Peter left or if he continued talking, he only knew that he couldn’t see past the steady stream of tears making their way down his face, and that he wanted to scream and shout and throw things, but that he also wanted to cry and remain weak and vulnerable and exposed. 

 

But then again, it was his own fault, he thought bitterly,  
he should have never said that word, love.

**Author's Note:**

> i really need to start writing longer fics and other pairings oops


End file.
